Famous Footwear Sales Associate: When I told you I was looking for the skechers that I could wear in the restaurant without slipping, what I meant was, "do you have the no-slip skechers that restaurant workers wear?". I'm sorry I wasn't clear. Please accept my used (only once) shoes for a full refund.
Eyeballs: Would you kindly stop burning. Contacts are necessary. Please deal with it. I promise to sleep more tonight.
Person in the car to whom I spoke this morning: You ruined my 10 days of not talking to people while I'm driving. Clearly, I'm not at fault. You're the one who promptly slammed on your breaks immediately after turning the corner. Thank you for the sixteen inches you left that prevented me from hitting your car. I appreciate not having BOTH sides of my bumber smashed. Also, When the man with the stop sign is at least 30 feet in front of you - it's okay to pull a little closer to him. Especially if you've just turned a corner and other cars are right behind you in the turn lane.
Parents Worldwide: If you bring your children on your date, please don't let them run around the restaurant. We carry big trays full of glass. We don't like it when the trays fall on us. Especially if it's because we had to stop suddenly to avoid being tripped by your child. I'll spare you the physics and just say this: it ends badly. Plus, we don't want you to sue us.
Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookies in my desk: Could you please stop singing my name so sweetly? It's killing me not to eat you.
Pumpkin Chocolate Chip Cookie I Just Ate: I warned you!
3 comments:
Very cute! Hey, if you need to get rid of pumpkin chocolate chip cookies, come see me! lol
Oh Katie, I miss you!! You are so funny. How are you doing these days?
Youre the best buddy. You should look at becoming some kind of writer for witty people. I really love you.
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