Reflection

"Seduced by our culture, we often hardly recognize our idolatry as our strings are pulled by that which is popular in the Babylonian World."

"Courage is the basis and foundation for all of our other virtues; and the lack of courage diminshes every other virtue that we have. If we are to have Zion in the midst of Babylon, it will take courage."

~Elder David R. Stone, "Zion in the Midst of Babylon" from 176th Annual General Conference

See the full talk here.

And Then...

I hung out with friends, came home and cleaned up my kitchen, had dinner (at midnight) and went to bed around 1:30.

Then, I actually got up this morning and ran that flippin 5K. 

Yes, I feel like a wuss for complaining. 

Yes, I feel great that I finished it. 

I'm glad I didn't yak or die.

I'm not terribly thrilled with my time. It was only a minute faster than the 5K in April. It was right around 36-37 minutes. (I don't think they really timed us...)

As for the run itself...

Started out really well. I walked after I 'bout died from not enough air getting into my asthmatic lungs. There were times when I was walking that I felt like maybe I should have pushed a little harder, but I didn't. It was flippin HOT!!! The run started at 9:00 a.m. and it is a beautiful Summer day today. It wasn't overcast at all, and it was seriously hot!! 

I had a raging case of cotton mouth, and there was no water/hydration station. (I just like to say hydration station, it makes it sound more legit.) That was rough. I was dying because I was overheated and under-hydrated.

BUT...

I finished. 

AND...

I wasn't last :) 

I was worried that I would die from embarrassment if I was the last one to finish. I was preparing myself to accept the fact that I very well could be the last person crossing that line... and when I accepted that it would be okay, I dug a little deeper and finished strong. 

I may not have been "strong" in the middle, but I finished strong, and to me, that is the most important part. I will NEVER walk across a finish line. I got to the point where the thing that kept me going was just trying to get or stay in front of someone else. 

Maybe I'm just a little competitive.

Maybe I'm still a rookie.

Maybe I was (totally) embarrassed when that dirtbag made fun of my temporary tattoos from my gym.

Maybe I wanted water more than life itself.

Maybe I just wanted to finish something.

So I did.

And Now...

I'm feeling dumb.

I was in a good place a week ago and was feeling motivated and working hard (lots of running) so I thought, "Why not? I'll sign up for a 5K". So I did.


The 5K is tomorrow.

I've had a rough week mentally and emotionally.

and now I'm running a 5K tomorrow.

with 11 other women (so far).

I'll probably just be walking most of the 5K.



I'm burned out....